Stream of Conciousness

I'm sitting here with a massive sore throat.

I've been up since five, and several times throughout the night due to one child crawling into bed with me and another either teething or hungry or just plain in need of some comforting.

I'm trying to pretend I'm not sick, and I think it's working for the most part.

I'm beginning to hate sleep.

I'm a functional sick person.

I'm doing the Couch to 5k training dealie.

I actually really like it so far.

 Although, I think my body is physically rejecting exercise.

In the past six months everytime I even try to step on our (free!) treadmill, my body breaks down one way or another.

This bout of sickness is no different. 

I read this thing about baby sleep patterns last night, and now I'm feeling bad about Richie's.

Not to say he's waking up every ten seconds, but he certainly isn't sleeping through the night. (At least not now, with him teething and all)

We've been real slackers in the solid foods department, too.

With JW, I was all, 'He's 4 months old, let's hurry and feed him something!'

Only now that Richie is 7 months, am I thinking, 'Maybe we should feed him something besides milk and what he finds on the floor.' 

Like JW, he really isn't into baby food (see picture below).

So, yesterday I bought every possible cereal snack I could find in the hopes he will be happier with feeding himself.

(bonus! I don't have to worry about getting me or him covered in pastey baby food)

I'm making a big effort to keep the house clean.

Unfortunately, I'm slow at doing this so it takes up a lot of time.

Time I could spend with my cute kids.

Now, I feel like I'm neglecting JW and I think he's acting out because of it.

I find myself losing my temper with him more often.

(I don't know if those two things are related)

Having a clean house makes me feel relaxed and calm,

and in my head, I will never be able to spend enough time with my children.

Herein lies the dilemma:

 

clean house, happy mom, unhappy kids

or

dirty house, unhappy mom, happy kids

 

I don't know how to balance this.

PAWS (Wyoming standarized testing) is this week.

Bleh.

It's stressful for everyone.

I take it seriously, but maybe I'm not taking it seriously enough?

Am I taking it as seriously as everyone else at the school?

Have I prepared those kids for that test?

Will they do well?

Will other teachers judge me for  low scores?

Should I care?

My body is still super rolly. 

My wardrobe consists of mainly maternity shirts

 (bonus: they look like different shirts without the belly, well pregnant belly)

maternity pants, stretchy skirts, pants and shirts that were way big on me pre-partum, and pants that are still too small, but I use my belly band to make up the difference (shh...)

I love cardio and I love sweating (which is probably why I was sent to Texas on my mission) and I am FINALLY starting to love eating healthy again and I love reaching a goal, but I'd be lying there wasn't a part of me that hopes all this running will pay off for me, physically. 

JW has these fits.  We'll tell him to do or not do something, and if it's embarrassing for him, he'll get really mad, yell at us, run away, and slam a door.  He's also being super stubborn when it comes to eating dinner at dinnertime.  I wouldn't say he's a picky eater, he just thinks he has better things he could be doing at that point in time than eating dinner with us.  We have to give him 'the three more bites' rule, and then we cut him loose. 

I'm trying really hard to be compassionate with him, listen to him, make him feel heard, make me feel like his feelings are important, tell him I love him, and be physically affectionate with him, but I feel I'm consistently falling short, and more often than I would like, end up getting frustrated with him. 

Spring Break for me is next week and me and the boys are spending it in Phoenix.  I'm looking forward to warm weather, being able to jog outside without freezing, NO WIND, going shopping, eating at all my favorite places (Barro's! Takee Outee! Valle Luna! Etc!) and maybe getting a haircut without children in tow.  I'm also super excited to see my family, but that's a givein.

We are flying there, and I am nervous about this.  Fortunately, it is an hour and a half flight.  Unfortunately, it is with two children who can be unpredictable at times.  I'm praying I burn about 1,000 calories carrying all that luggage, a 16 lbs baby, and making sure JW doesn't run away from me(he's been known to do that), thus justifying my eating rampage. 

My hair has been super greasy these days.  I've tried changing my shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner and I still have a grease spot at the crown of my head.  My next shower, I'm only using shampoo and washing my hair 6 times. 

Richie is crawling everywhere and fast.  I now have to make sure the doors are shut in the bathrooms, once I found him in the bathroom trash (ew).  I'm spending a lot of my morning picking him up and moving him to a more 'baby friendly' space. 

I'm thinking I'm going to go full-time next year.  This gives us a little more wiggle room, financially to save and whatnot.  Thus, bringing me back to our yearly question, 'Do we keep our kids at the daycare we are currently going to or change things up?  There are positives and negatives.  This is a summer discussion we NEED to have. 

These thoughts are the reason I was up at 5 AM.  Sorry if that was super boring/annoying.  Please accept these adorable pictures of my kids as an apology/reason to keep reading until the end.